At some point, we may ask ourselves: Who are we doing this for? What is our ultimate goal in the journey we’re on? Many of us like to believe that we are focused on achieving our goals and building our future. But in reality, we often focus on how our achievements or the results of our efforts will define us in the eyes of others.
Even if we have clear goals and a sense of direction, we may still be propelled by a force rooted in childhood—the need for acknowledgment, acceptance, and approval from others, often our parents. When this is the case, our true goals may become secondary. Why? Because the fear of rejection can be so overwhelming that it drives our actions, even unconsciously.
If we’ve learned to tie our self-worth to how we are perceived and accepted by others, breaking free from this cycle can feel impossible. The idea of no longer seeking others’ approval may even trigger resentment or a rebellious urge to prove how independent we are. But deep down, this reaction shows that we are still caught in the web of seeking validation.
The Key to Freedom: Detachment
True freedom comes from detachment, which begins with deep self-understanding. It’s not enough to recognize that we act a certain way or even to acknowledge the beliefs driving our behavior. We must access a part of ourselves that is objective and observant—a state of mind where we can see things as they are, free from emotional attachment.
This often requires entering a meditative or reflective state, whether through formal meditation, deep introspection, or another mental or emotional practice that quiets the mind. From this place of clarity, we can observe our thoughts and behaviors as if from the outside. We can identify the artificial connections—the attachments—and recognize their illogical nature.
In this state, we see how our brain assigns meaning to experiences based on beliefs that have no basis in reality. We become aware of the automatic processes shaping our perceptions and actions. When we fully grasp that these beliefs are constructs we impose on ourselves in real time, we can begin to let go. Detachment happens when we stop believing these stories as absolute truth.
Detachment Isn’t Instantaneous
While this realization can happen in an instant, reaching the clarity and awareness needed for detachment often takes time and inner work. Many people think they can simply decide to let go on a mental level, only to find it’s not so easy.
Why? Because our beliefs and perceptions are deeply ingrained. They are constantly at work, reinforcing themselves, especially when they seem to offer protection or stability. When we unconsciously operate from a belief, it is unlikely we can detach from it. However, when that belief is not actively influencing us—perhaps during moments of deep reflection or objectivity—we can begin to challenge and dismiss the story it tells us.
Making Space for Inner Work
Most of us don’t take—or feel we can take—the time, space, and quiet needed to reevaluate our beliefs and behaviors. In lives full of work, worry, and responsibilities, it often seems impossible to prioritize such demanding inner work. For many, it’s only during vacations, special events, or retreats that they allow themselves the opportunity to look inward and reflect.
If personal growth and achieving our true goals matter to us, we must make space to reevaluate our priorities.
Detachment from beliefs can happen in a moment, but reaching the clarity required for it demands patience, commitment, and a willingness to look deeply within.
So, What Can We Do Now?
How can we focus better and reach a state of detachment?
The answer lies in non-judgmental observation. The more clarity we gain about our beliefs and behaviors, the easier it becomes to dismiss them and let them go. However, this is often trickier than it seems. We may think we already have a clear understanding of our beliefs, but in reality, much of what drives us remains hidden or misunderstood.
One of the main obstacles we face is the assumption that we are objective—that we see things as they truly are. In truth, we almost always view life through the lens of our beliefs, confusing our subjective definitions with objective reality. It’s not just about our opinions; it’s about our tendency to perceive things that may not even be there, or to assign undue significance to certain ideas while ignoring others that challenge our beliefs.
This selective perception often causes us to overlook what truly matters, especially if it contradicts the narrative our beliefs are trying to maintain.
Gaining Clarity
Despite these challenges, when we set a clear intention to understand ourselves and our beliefs, and we give ourselves the time and space to reflect, we gradually become less subjective. Over time, this reflection leads to greater clarity and understanding.
With enough clarity, we can begin to see the truth of our beliefs—both their origins and their limitations. This understanding is what ultimately allows us to break free from them and achieve true detachment.
