Fishing in the desert

We just read a new exciting book on the subject or listened to a fascinating podcast on the subject and we are eager to implement what we learned in our lives.

In our quest to change our limiting beliefs we might be exploring new intellectual or logical ideas instead of really dealing with our actual beliefs. Many times, we will hear about something, an idea that sounds right and true regarding ourselves and our lives and we might think that we just changed our belief system, or our habits with this new idea, like saying “I am worthy”, or “I am free and independent”. It sounds great, and it will be a wonderful change if we remove any belief that holds us from feeling worthy and free, however, for the most part, changes like that are only shallow, on the surface changes, that won’t make a great significant change in our life.

It doesn’t mean that it’s always the case of course, and there is a good way to find out if indeed we made a great deep change in our beliefs or not, but it requires us to be very honest with ourselves. We can check and observe if we have any repeating patterns in our lives. Do we encounter the same people? Or the same circumstances or challenges? Do we feel different? We can answer those questions if we can be observant and honest with ourselves.

I am not trying to put anyone down or question your efforts. The reason I’m mentioning the above is related to the answer of why those beliefs are there in the first place and what can we expect when we challenge them.

When we look at our personality and our behaviors, it’s not a mere coincidence that we react the way we do, or think the way we do. At the base of our personality, there are choices that we took and adopted long ago, and we still make those same choices whether we are aware of that or not. If we have habits, fears, or tendencies that are negative, that are not bringing us joy, it is only because deep inside we once believed (and probably still believe) that the alternative is worst, or riskier. If we tend to please others or seek for approval, it is only because we learn to trust that it will serve us better than being independent people and independent thinkers. I remember somewhere in my past, on certain occasions trying to fight this tendency out and getting into arguments with people I used to please, I remember being so afraid of being abandoned and rejected, and of being lonely after arguing with those people who punished me by leaving or not talking with me. It was a hint that I didn’t realize at the time related to the reason why I preferred to please others, it was being left alone and being rejected that seemed so awful at the time. It wasn’t at all about pleasing others but about my fear of being rejected.

Years later when I processed and got over this fear of being abandoned and being rejected I could let go of the need to please, and it wasn’t through arguments or fighting, on the contrary, it was much easier for me to hear what the other people has to say without being defensive or have an emotional reaction about it. Concerning the title and concept of this article, this is the most important part: When I faced my fear of rejection, it wasn’t just a straightforward intellectual process, but it was a powerful emotional one, like walking over a hanging rope bridge on top of a living volcano. I needed a leap of faith and some courage. It was a result of deep self-awareness and walking into the unknown.

The questions that showed up were: “Do I still need to be accepted in order to feel safe? Can I live with rejection? Am I ready to choose myself, or do I need more time? Can I survive being alone for a while?”. The difference from other times, that this time I wasn’t entertaining a logical idea, but directing those question directly to my core beliefs. So, when the times came and I was ready to practice my automatic reaction as I usually do, I became aware of my free choice to decide differently based on this new belief that it is safe, and I can survive rejection and loneliness without losing myself. I needed to fully belief in that new idea which contradicted my limiting beliefs, it wasn’t just a shallow intellectual attempt.

The minute we break a negative belief and behavior, our lives will change forever, we will look at the world differently. So, instead of just trying to fight off an unwanted behavior we have, we want to first check for its origin and why is it there in the first place, or more accurately, when and why it became part of our personality and why we keep practicing it. Life has a way of showing us what we need to see when we are ready for it.

So, inspiring new ideas can be wonderful catalysts for change and personal development when we mix it with awareness, readiness, and commitment.  If you are looking to change old habits and beliefs and are ready to go deeper, I invite you to look for the motivation behind those habits and beliefs and if you need further help please check my other articles and videos about the subject.